There Is No Room For Slut-Shaming in ARMY
One thing I keep in mind when seeing/dealing with fellow ARMY who seem to be crossing boundaries is that many ARMYs find BTS and come into the fandom at their worst or most vulnerable. So practically speaking, some of them are going to be at rock bottom or coming out of difficult circumstances. This was particularly driven home for me while copy editing Wallea Eaglehawk’s I Am ARMY and Love Yourself, which are essay collections where ARMYs discuss their journey with BTS.
Many of the essays expressed pain, and finding BTS in the worst situations (at the brink of committing suicide, etc.). This has been reinforced by people’s testimonies on social media, oftentimes they fall into BTS when they need them the most. And, unfortunately, when we need them the most is usually when our lives are not pretty.
So when I see ARMYs being ridiculous, I try to remind myself I don’t know what that “found them” moment was, and how bad it might’ve been. We’re gonna have immature, hurting people in the fandom who are trying to grow out of difficult circumstances. Sometimes it gets messy. And sometimes the only thing I can do is hope we all get to a better place eventually.
But this goes both ways. Maybe you are hurting and immature, but so are other people in the fandom. Fandom should be a place of healing, a place where we all can come together and maybe we don’t understand each other, but we respect each other.
Unfortunately, despite the great success of the Las Vegas concerts and the encouragement many ARMY got out of the events, that wasn’t the case for everyone. I guess I’ve kind of assumed that, because of all the hate we get from the outside, things like being anti-woman and misogynistic would be defacto no-gos, but that’s not the case. So I am here to unequivocally say that there is no room for slut-shaming in a fandom whose majority share is women-identified people, and whose primary message is that of self-love and self-acceptance.
The Background Tea
I am not going to be posting screenshots or links, because the matter has ended on social media and I don’t want to risk reviving it there. Instead, I want to use it as a jumping off point for a discussion on this topic in general. But first, you obviously need the whole story to understand where I’m coming from.
If you think women should be covered up and showing off their bodies is disgusting, then Las Vegas is obviously not the place for you because that is what the city is associated with. Not only that, BTS concerts are known as safe havens for fans who might have otherwise difficult lives. They can come here and express themselves, without fear of judgment. Or they should be able to do so.
But one ARMY (proclaimed mother too, which was also pretty disturbing) felt the need to go online and complain about the outfits that other ARMY were wearing. She called them prostitutes and implied they were only doing it to get the attention of BTS. When critiqued, she double-downed on her right to judge other ARMY for how they dress. After a lot of backlash, she finally did (sort of) apologize. And delete her posts. But there were a few people defending her.
I’m sorry, but no. Remember what I said about ARMY coming out of difficult circumstances? Look at the statistics for things like rape, sexual assault, harassment, domestic violence, and just the difficulty that comes about when you exist as a woman (or the world sees you as one). The odds are high that those statistics are all accurate in our fandom as well.
That means many of the ARMY coming to concerts, when they pick their outfits, are doing so because they know they’re coming to a place where they’re safe. Where they won’t be subject to the male gaze. Where other people won’t eye them up and judge them for their weight or any other ridiculous standard we use to determine worth. It’s self-expression, self-expression that is being brought about as we all journey on a path towards loving ourselves more (and using BTS to do so). It’s about us. It’s about expressing ourselves. It’s about our own self-love and, for once, not being evaluated by the standards set by a patriarchal society.
Suddenly it’s not a safe space. Suddenly ARMY who wouldn’t dare wear their outfits outside this space, for fear of judgment, are wondering aloud if it’s okay for them to their outfits inside this space. If it’s okay to show this much skin. Look what was done. We were no longer happy, we were second-guessing ourselves and wondering if we’re really doing it to seek male attention.
What a disgusting thing to do to the rest of the fandom, the fandom that took you in. How many of the people that saw those words have struggled with accepting the skin they’re in, because of things outside their control? The self-hatred we are surrounded by in the world is real, and someone who obviously doesn’t love herself enough thought it was acceptable to bring it into our space.
If that wasn’t enough, another ARMY got ganged up on by the fashion police. Her crime? Her dress, that she designed and created on her own for the concert, was “too similar” to a publicly posted tutorial dress. She admittedly struggles with self-love and accepting her body, and here some supposed members of the fandom are making her feel like shit.
I am pleased to say many other members of the fandom rallied and encouraged her and not only did she wear it, she looked fantastic in it. But even if she hadn’t, it wouldn’t have mattered because it was no one else’s business.
Women and women-perceived bodies already get enough hate out in the world. Women of all ages are routinely subject to toxic messages about what they should wear. Yet, no matter how hard we try, we never make the messengers happy.
BTS is a revolution. They appreciate their female fans. They admire our creativity and passion. We’re not evaluated based on our looks and how well we make the male gaze happy. We’re not reduced to anything male-determined, this is a space created both by people who are done with the toxic, suffocating restrictions of patriarchy that otherwise attempt to dominate their lives.
What Was Implied By These Comments
When you look at your fellow fans and judge them for looking like prostitutes, looking trashy, not being classy, etc., you are doing several things:
1 Nosy. You’re not minding your own damn business because who asked you anyway. If we wanted toxicity in our lives, we’d go start a fight with another fandom.
2 You’re shallow. You’re reducing your fellow women to how they look on the outside.
3 You’re saying they’re dumb. You’re claiming they’re only capable of thinking in terms of how attractive they are to men. And showing that you yourself are incapable of thinking otherwise.
4 You’re proclaiming you have an inflated opinion of yourself. You’re creating this arbitrary standard, because what really is the standard for “trashy” anyway? Who’s deciding? You? What are your credentials?
5 You’re implying some insulting things about sex workers. You’re implying that sex work is demeaning and that those people are somehow “less”.
6 You’re showcasing a very heteronormative worldview. You’re also assuming that they’re all dressing for men to begin with, maybe they were dressing for other women? Way to assume their sexuality.
There Is No Room For This Here
Just in general, you are judging by an arbitrary standard and deeming some women less worthy based on looks. I’m sorry you find the female body that disgusting, but that sounds like a self-hatred issue on your part.
With the amount of shame we have been subjected to in our lives already, how dare you drag that in here. I’m sorry if you have problems loving yourself, but take your woman-hating out of here. It’s not welcome. If your personal preference leads you to not prefer certain looks, that’s fine. No one wants to hear about it.
I genuinely hope this person is reflecting, like they said, and changes but in the meantime I doubt they are the only one who thinks like this (they had at least several defenders). I understand that we all grow and mature and heal at different rates, but making it difficult for others and contributing to the toxicity that BTS fights is unacceptable.
We are a fandom of broken people, yes, which is why we don’t need fans attacking their fellow fans’ attempts to heal. Because that’s what this is for many ARMYs, healing.
Contribute positively to the fandom please, don’t become another reason someone finds BTS at their lowest point.
